Alone

People sometimes ask, "What is your biggest fear?".  And, there was a time when I would answer "being alone". 
Human connection is so essential.  We're all hardwired to need and even crave others' attention.  We need acceptance. 
This need started to take over back in middle school.  I wanted to be liked.  I would do all sorts of things to achieve this.  I started by conforming: eating Apple Jacks in the morning instead of raisin bran, because raisin bran is not cool.  Cussing loudly in public.  Sitting on the wall during recess because only the little kids played four square.  All these things went against my natural tendencies and yet I continued doing them because I feared being alienated for not following the group.  I wanted everyone to like me, so much so that eventually I lost myself. 
I can't pretend that these weren't happy days of my life.  Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I still ate apple jacks and sat on the wall and was friends with everyone.  I liked to be liked and I still do.
But much of my adolescence has been spent battling that side of me.  The one that is ashamed of expressing my true thoughts because I'm scared of how that will affect other people's opinions.  I still find myself doing it and to some extent we all do.  No man is an island.  No one truly means it when they say "I don't care what others think of me".  
Yet losing yourself is not the answer.  If we are truly to search for the truth, in ourselves and in life, we must accept that sometimes we will not make human connection, sometimes there will be silence. Sometimes, we will be alone.